home network with teenagers

Hey kids don't not trust parents anyway. I agree about not putting computers in kids rooms. Too many stories about the kids on the machines at 2-3 a.m. Kids never believe their parents until it is too late and they are already in a bind. Then it is "I told you so" time.

You might start by review the Internet Browser history. Some routers give you a log of sites visisted. This will give you an idea as to what they have been up to. Chat and IM is a big issue, this is where a lot of the problems start. Do not have a good solution for this at the moment.

Another thing to watch with kids, they click everything that shows up on a desktop. You should really clean these computers up, make sure you have firewalls, anti-virus, pop-up blockers. Once the machines have been hit with adware/malware, all kinds of trash pops up that they do not even request. Lots of porn and links to porn. This is really unfair to the kids as they sometimes did not even go looking for this crap. Then as a parent you may fall in the trap of thinking this is what the kids spend their time doing, when it fact it is the adware/malware doing this.

You really have to become a network admin to really curb this stuff. I have a friend that runs his own servers in the house (web and mail) to curtail what the kids are up to. He also sets up all web mail accounts so he can monitor them as well. This is a little over the top and I can tell you the kids just get into trouble away from the computers because of all of this network overkill.

Good luck, being a parent is not any easier with all this technology!!

JamesO

Don't spy. You'll be fighting a losing battle. The minute they find out you're spying (which will happen VERY quickly), they'll just find a way around it or go over to a friend's house.

Best to keep it in the open. Let them know you're concerned, but don't nitpick or be heavy-handed about it. Keep the lines of communication open.

I like the suggestion of no computers in the bedrooms. Even if they are in the bedrooms, spend a lot of time there. Look over their shoulders a lot, and if you see something that worries you, don't come down on them like a ton of bricks. Talk about it and explain your concerns without moralizing too much. Explain how things are dangerous rather than "WRONG".

Now, just because I say to not be heavy-handed doesn't mean you have to be wishy-washy about it. They'll rebel at being watched or talking about it. Here is where you set limits. Be very clear that you're willing to be open and tolerant about what they do, give them freedoms, but the cost is that they simply have to talk about where they're going and who they're talking to. Just like going out socially. It's an easy thing to do and gives them lots of freedom. The alternative is cutting off internet connections, locking phone lines, grounding, and all the other oppressive stuff. Then give them the choice of having some nice talks on a regular basis and letting you look at their screen when they're online, or having a nightmare battle of wills that will probably last the rest of their lives. Kids are pretty smart. They'll take the option that gets them what they want to do.

The other side of the coin is that you need to be tolerant. As I said before, don't nitpick. If they'll talk about it, don't bar them from sites or people simply on the basis that you don't like them. They may have no redeeming value and conflict with your values, but you need to choose your battles. Save your conflicts for the really dangerous things. Besides, talking about your values and how certain sites conflict (and why) without banning them gives your kids the opportunity to learn about values and doesn't instantly make them oppose them.

Teenagers should also know clearly that assault, rape, robbery, and death are direct and very likely consequences of either meeting strangers or worse, telling them where they live. But don't declare them with fire and brimstone like they're punishments for immoral Internet acts. Express concern for your kids' well being and explain the adverse consequences as reasons for your concern.

Teenagers can take the truth about the consequences. Don't be afraid to talk about rape (and also less violent forms of sexual coercion) to either a girl or a boy teenager; it happens to both, and is just as damaging to either. If they don't know why you're so concerned, they won't understand what this is all about. Also discuss how everyone lies on the Internet. They've probably already done a fair bit of misrepresentation themselves if they've been in chat rooms or discussion lists. (It's the first thing I did when I got a C.B. as a teenager in the 70's.)

My $0.02 as a parent (fairly successful so far) and amateur psychologist.

- The Inspector