ashumann12

sobeit

Low approval ratings...

Tired of his low approval ratings, President Bush called up the head of the CIA... and said, "I want your very best agent over here first thing in the morning."

Moments later, a call went out to the Middle East, and the most gifted American agent was headed back to Washington.

The next morning, the agent was escorted into the Oval Office. The president said, "I hear you're the best in the business. I can't trust what my staff tells me.

"So I want you to visit every state in the union, every major city. I want you to stay out on the road until you have an idea of what the vast majority of Americans would like to see happen in the Oval Office. Understand?"

The CIA agent responded affirmatively. He left the White House and wasn't heard from for nearly four months. Finally, he showed up early on a Saturday morning, and the President saw him immediately.

President Bush asked, "Did you find out what an overwhelming majority of Americans want done here in this office?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, then, express the will of the people," the president ordered.

So the agent stood up, made a fist, and punched him in the nose.

kcaternolo

Is It NBA Or NFL OR WHAT OTHER GROUP?
Is It NBA Or NFL?




36
have been accused of spousal abuse

7
have been arrested for fraud

19
have been accused of writing bad checks

117
have directly or indirectly

bankrupted at least 2 businesses


3
have done time for assault


71,
repeat

71 cannot
get a credit card due to bad credit



14
have been arrested on drug-related charges


8
have been arrested for shoplifting



21
currently
are defendants in lawsuits, and


84
have been arrested for drunk driving
in
the last year



Can
you guess which organization this is?


Give
up yet? . . Scroll down,




Neither,
it's the 435 members of the

United States Congress



The
same group of Idiots that crank out

hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.

ashumann12

sobeit

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening..

... when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine to me!"

"My God, what had you told them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.

The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

kcaternolo

this is no joke but it should brighten a few faces





Here SHE is, the
USS New York, made from the


World Trade Center !









USS
New
York

It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from
the World Trade Center

It is the fifth in a newclass of warship
- designed for missions that include special operations
against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors


and 700 combat-ready Marines to be
delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft.

Steel from the World Trade Center
was melted down
in a foundry in Amite , LA to
cast the ship's bow section. When it
was poured into the molds on Sept 9, 2003,
'those big rough steelworkers treated
it with total reverence,' recalled Navy
Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there.





'It was a spiritual moment for
everybody there.'

Junior Chavers, foundry operations
manager, said that when the trade
center steel first arrived, he touched
it with his hand and the 'hair on my neck stood
up.' 'It had a big meaning to it for
all of us,' he said. 'They knocked us down.
They can't keep us down. We're going to be back.'

The ship's motto?





'Never Forget'

Please keep
this going so everyone can see what we are made
of in this country!

Attached Images

USSNY.bmp (897.2 KB, 9 views)

Drew1369

IT'S TIME TO RE-EVALUATE OUR INVOLVEMENT

Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on TV
there are photos of death and destruction. Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us
nothing but trouble. Why are we still there?

Many of our children go there and never come back. Why are we still
there? Their government is unstable, and they have sporadic leadership.
Why are we still there?

Many of their people are uncivilized. Why are we still there?

The place is subject to natural disasters, from which we are supposed
to bail them out. Why are we still there?

There are more than 1000 religious sects, which we do not understand.
Why are we still there?

Their folkways, foods, and fads are unfathomable to ordinary Americans.
Why are we still there?

We can't even secure the borders. Why are we still there?

They are billions of dollars in debt, and it will cost billions more
to rebuild, which we cannot afford. Why are we still there?

It is becoming clear...



WE MUST PULL OUT OF CALIFORNIA

ashumann12

Here here! I agree. Pull out of Cali Now!

sobeit

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

WereBo

Drew1369

The Year 2056

*Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in theworld, Mexifornia, formally known as California.
*Couples petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
*Last remaining fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American territory of the middle east,formally known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon.
*Iran still closed off. Physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years beforeradioactivity decreases to low levels.
*George Z. Bush says he will run for president in 2058.
*Postal Services raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery toWednesday only.
*85 year, 75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise are the key to weight loss. *Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
*Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
*Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
*Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
*Average height of NBA players now at 9 feet 7 inches.
*New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled up newspaper must be registered by Jan 2057.
*Congress authorizes direct deposit of formally illegal politics contributions to campaignaccounts.
*IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
*Spotted owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
*Baby conceived naturally...........Scientists stumped!
*Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine

sobeit

A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."

"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."

"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat's brain? Why on earth is that?"

"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we would have to kill?"

WereBo

.....

mommabear

sobeit

A president's pension currently is $191,300 per year, lasting until he is 80 years old.

Assuming the next president lives to age 80:

1. Sen. McCain would receive ZERO pension, as he would reach 80 at the end of two terms as president.
2. Sen. Obama would be retired for 26 years after two terms, so would receive $4,973,800 in pension.

Therefore, it would certainly make economic sense to elect McCain in November.

Now, how's that for non-partisan thinking???

sobeit

Cheney and Bush are in a plane. All of the sudden Cheney says: "If I threw ten $10 bills out of the window, I would make ten whole people happy."

Bush feels the need to say something as well: "If I threw a hundred $1 bills out of the window, I would make a hundred people happy."

The pilot, who had been listening to the conversation, mutters to the co-pilot: "If I were to throw these two out of the window, I'd make millions happy!"

ashumann12

sobeit

Laura Bush bought "Dubyah" a parrot for his birthday.

She told Dick Cheney, "The bird is so smart! George has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words!"

"Wow, that's pretty impressive," Cheney said. "But you realize that he just 'says' the words. He doesn't understand what they mean."

"That's okay," Laura replied. "Neither does the parrot.....

Basementgeek

You want Change??


There's an old sea story in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines in the field, and afterward told the 'Gunny' that the men smelled bad.
The lieutenant suggested the solution, they need to change their underwear.

The Gunny responded, 'Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately!'

The Gunny went straight to the squad tent and announced, 'The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear.

Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowsky, and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now get to it!'


THE MORAL:

A candidate may promise 'change' in Washington ,

but don't count on things smelling any better.

flipper

Liquid Assets:

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American!