Joke Thread

[TheMatt]

Already posted: Joke Thread

Good one though.

[Go The Power]

Very funny

[JohnthePilot]

Originally Posted by TheMatt

Already posted: Joke Thread

Good one though.

I missed it first time round so enjoyed reading it this time.

[karusho]

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this FBI?"

"Yes, What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.

The phone rings at Tom's house.

"Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yeah they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

[TheMatt]

Nice!

[Go The Power]

, that one is great

[karusho]

Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope died.

Year 2005

1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.!
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope died.

IN THE FUTURE, IF PRINCE CHARLES DECIDES TO MARRY, SOMEBODY PLEASE WARN THE POPE.

[Go The Power]

So true

[sandman55]

Thats a good one

[TheMatt]

Nice!

[JohnthePilot]

The teacher asks the class "If there are five crows on a fence and the farmer shoots one, how many will there be left?". Little Tommy puts his hand up. "None miss, because the gunshot would have frightened the others away." "No, Tommy", she says, "the correct answer is four, but I like your reasoning." Little Tommy then says "could I ask you a question miss? There are three women sitting on a park bench eating ice creams. One is delicately licking the top of hers. The middle one is gobbling hers down and licking the cone all over, whilst the last is biting small bits out of hers. Which one is married?" Blushing profusely, the teacher replies "well, I suppose I would have to say the middle one". "No miss", says Tommy, "it's the one with the wedding ring, but I like your reasoning".

[TheMatt]

Very good.

[karusho]

Problem
When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found out that the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface).
Solution A
In order to solve this problem, it took them one decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zero gravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface including crystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees
Solution B
And what did Russians do ?? The Russians used a Pencil !!!

Problem
One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the thorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste,
Solution A
the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so
Solution B
But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story: " Keep It Short & Simple" !! i.e. always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem. So, learn to focus on solutions not on problems

[sandman55]

Good ones guys keep 'em comming

[Drew1369]

I love on the NASA pen the R&D cost keeps rising... if you read the pen that civilians can now buy it was only 1mil. It doesn't have the shock value of 12mil BUT still funny none-the-less

[Go The Power]

Very good JtP and Karusho

[Drew1369]

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become an auto mechanic.


He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error that needs adjusting?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say,! "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."

[Jim_from_Oz]

A kangaroo hops into a bar in Manhattan and orders a Jack Daniels on ice.
The barman makes the drink, sets it on a coaster in front of the kangaroo and says "That will be $15 please".
The kangaroo reaches into its pouch, pulls out a $20 note and hands it to the barman, who gives him change.
While the kangaroo is enjoying his drink, the barman, having nothing much else to do, decides to make conversation.
"We don't see kangaroos in here very often", he says.
"At these prices, I'm not surprised" says the kangaroo.

[sandman55]

Keep 'em coming guys

[jen56]

Love em all...