Joke Thread - Page 23

ebackhus · 09-29-2006, 08:58 AM

Well I am 50% Canadian.

More jokes!

**DJ-Zep** · 10-01-2006, 09:53 PM

Nice one Kyle! That guy is so stupid...

**Glaswegian** · 10-05-2006, 04:21 PM

This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida...

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice,
"I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why...

For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat!

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

**karusho** · 10-05-2006, 05:00 PM

Roflmao!

**Cellus** · 10-05-2006, 05:54 PM

And I thought I had trouble finding my car in the lot...

**sandman55** · 10-05-2006, 10:25 PM

Good one Glaswegian lol

**K-B** · 10-06-2006, 04:35 AM

ahhh ha ha ha ha ha.

Chevy · 10-07-2006, 11:14 AM

Classic!

**Fr4665** · 10-12-2006, 05:05 AM

WOW nice one glas

ebackhus · 10-12-2006, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glaswegian

This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida...

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice,
"I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why...

For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat!

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Only in America... *sigh*

**Glaswegian** · 10-12-2006, 04:52 PM

Maybe, but I'm going to keep that in mind just in case I have burglars here.......

Dale Ward · 10-17-2006, 02:49 AM

Bein' o' Irish descent, I've always had a fondness for "Pat and Mike" jokes... here's one o' me favorites.

Pat and Mike were walkin' home up the country road in the dark, drunk as usual. Suddenly, Pat trips and near hits 'is face on a slab o' rock.

"Faith, Mike... we've stumbled into th' graveyard an' here's the stone of a man lived to the age of 103!"

"Glory be, Patrick! An' was it anybody we knew?"

"No, 'twas someone named 'Miles from Dublin'!"

**Fr4665** · 10-17-2006, 03:11 AM

so they were so wasted that they stumbled over a mile stone and thought it was a grave stone. thats pretty wasted

**karusho** · 10-17-2006, 05:32 PM

Pat and Mike jokes are awesome.

**dm01** · 10-25-2006, 11:52 PM

On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said "Today I am going to create a land called "Canada". It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty: it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants "Canadians", they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?" "No, not really," God replied. "Just wait until you see the neighbours I am going to give them!"

**Fr4665** · 10-26-2006, 02:20 AM

Rofl Nice I Love It

daamon_vexion · 10-28-2006, 01:31 PM

i have a copy that makes that look absolutely dumn, and it was WYOMING that he created on the Sixth day :D

**Glaswegian** · 11-12-2006, 02:58 PM

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were an
English guy, an Scottish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young
attractive. well endowed, blonde Swiss girl.

The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the
sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English guy has a bright
red, hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: The English guy must have groped the blonde in the
dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That English guy must have tried to grope
me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his
cheek.

The English guy thinks: That Scottish bloke must have groped the blonde
in the dark - she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

And the Scottish guy thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I
can smack that Englishman again.....

**K-B** · 11-12-2006, 03:23 PM

Ha! Was that you Glas?

**karusho** · 11-12-2006, 10:26 PM

Probably.

09-29-2006, 08:58 AM	#441 (permalink)
ebackhus Manager, Design Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: SATX Posts: 14,284 OS: WinXP Pro SP3/Windows 7 RTM My System Blog Entries: 28	Well I am 50% Canadian. More jokes! __________________ ----------------------------- There are no dumb questions, unless a customer is asking them. Help in the fight against cancer and other serious illnesses.

10-01-2006, 09:53 PM	#442 (permalink)
DJ-Zep Design Team Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 1,541 OS: Windows Vista Home Premium (x64) My System	Nice one Kyle! That guy is so stupid... __________________ Nice music blog Nvu \|\| Notepad++ \|\| Apache \|\| PHP \|\| Keep TSF Alive "The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier."

10-05-2006, 04:21 PM	#443 (permalink)
Glaswegian Moderator/ Rangemaster TSF Academy; Analyst, Security Team; Oor Wullie; TSF Surgeon and Resident Comic Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Glasgow Posts: 25,503 OS: Win XP Pro SP3 / Win 7 Pro My System Blog Entries: 10	This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida... An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why... For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat! A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. __________________ Iain - Defender of the Haggis and all things Scottish. I don't help by PM - post in the Forums. PC Safety & Security::PC running a bit slow?::Donate::Photographers Corner

10-05-2006, 05:54 PM	#445 (permalink)
Cellus Moderator Networking Team Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 2,664 OS: Windows Vista Business SP1, Windows XP Professional SP3 My System	And I thought I had trouble finding my car in the lot... __________________ TSF Networking Team Virus/Trojan/Spyware Removal Help Donate!

10-06-2006, 04:35 AM	#447 (permalink)
K-B Moderator, Linux Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: NY Posts: 2,880 OS: Vista, Ubuntu My System	ahhh ha ha ha ha ha. __________________

10-05-2006, 05:00 PM	#444 (permalink)
karusho TSF Enthusiast Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Silicon Valley Posts: 1,217 OS: Windows XP SP2, Windows Vista SP1, Ubuntu 8.04 My System	Roflmao!

10-05-2006, 10:25 PM	#446 (permalink)
sandman55 TSF Enthusiast Join Date: May 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 5,530 OS: WinXP Pro SP3	Good one Glaswegian lol

10-12-2006, 05:05 AM	#449 (permalink)
Fr4665 aka mr.fraggs Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: USA or Germany Posts: 2,965 OS: Win XP,Vista,Android My System	WOW nice one glas __________________ I don't subscribe to threads please PM me if i miss a reply. ------- Everest SensorView Pro DriverCleaner how to fix your game

10-12-2006, 04:52 PM	#451 (permalink)
Glaswegian Moderator/ Rangemaster TSF Academy; Analyst, Security Team; Oor Wullie; TSF Surgeon and Resident Comic Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Glasgow Posts: 25,503 OS: Win XP Pro SP3 / Win 7 Pro My System Blog Entries: 10	Maybe, but I'm going to keep that in mind just in case I have burglars here....... __________________ Iain - Defender of the Haggis and all things Scottish. I don't help by PM - post in the Forums. PC Safety & Security::PC running a bit slow?::Donate::Photographers Corner

10-17-2006, 02:49 AM	#452 (permalink)
Dale Ward Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 27 OS: XP	Bein' o' Irish descent, I've always had a fondness for "Pat and Mike" jokes... here's one o' me favorites. Pat and Mike were walkin' home up the country road in the dark, drunk as usual. Suddenly, Pat trips and near hits 'is face on a slab o' rock. "Faith, Mike... we've stumbled into th' graveyard an' here's the stone of a man lived to the age of 103!" "Glory be, Patrick! An' was it anybody we knew?" "No, 'twas someone named 'Miles from Dublin'!"

10-17-2006, 03:11 AM	#453 (permalink)
Fr4665 aka mr.fraggs Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: USA or Germany Posts: 2,965 OS: Win XP,Vista,Android My System	so they were so wasted that they stumbled over a mile stone and thought it was a grave stone. thats pretty wasted __________________ I don't subscribe to threads please PM me if i miss a reply. ------- Everest SensorView Pro DriverCleaner how to fix your game

10-17-2006, 05:32 PM	#454 (permalink)
karusho TSF Enthusiast Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Silicon Valley Posts: 1,217 OS: Windows XP SP2, Windows Vista SP1, Ubuntu 8.04 My System	Pat and Mike jokes are awesome.

10-25-2006, 11:52 PM	#455 (permalink)
dm01 Moderator: Design Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Richmond, B.C.; Canada Posts: 1,455 OS: Windows XP [Version 5.1.2600] SP3 \| Ubuntu Jaunty Jackalope \| Windows 7 BETA My System	On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said "Today I am going to create a land called "Canada". It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty: it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants "Canadians", they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?" "No, not really," God replied. "Just wait until you see the neighbours I am going to give them!" __________________ Validate your Markup Validate your CSS Notepad++ Please use [html], [php], and [code] when posting code or markup. I do not help by Private Message or e-mail. If for some reason I have over-looked a reply to a thread that I have previously replied to, then send me a message.

10-26-2006, 02:20 AM	#456 (permalink)
Fr4665 aka mr.fraggs Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: USA or Germany Posts: 2,965 OS: Win XP,Vista,Android My System	Rofl Nice I Love It __________________ I don't subscribe to threads please PM me if i miss a reply. ------- Everest SensorView Pro DriverCleaner how to fix your game

10-28-2006, 01:31 PM	#457 (permalink)
daamon_vexion Resident Soldier Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Iraq (temp) Wyoming Posts: 560 OS: Windows XP Media Center My System	i have a copy that makes that look absolutely dumn, and it was WYOMING that he created on the Sixth day :D __________________ *And the Infantry Sayeth unto the Lord "Thou hast made us the Queen of battle, and Artillery the King, surely thou knowest what the King does to his Queen?" And the Lord replyeth, "Right On!"*

11-12-2006, 02:58 PM	#458 (permalink)
Glaswegian Moderator/ Rangemaster TSF Academy; Analyst, Security Team; Oor Wullie; TSF Surgeon and Resident Comic Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Glasgow Posts: 25,503 OS: Win XP Pro SP3 / Win 7 Pro My System Blog Entries: 10	Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were an English guy, an Scottish bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young attractive. well endowed, blonde Swiss girl. The Train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the English guy has a bright red, hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The old lady thinks: The English guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek. The blonde Swiss girl thinks: That English guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek. The English guy thinks: That Scottish bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark - she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. And the Scottish guy thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack that Englishman again..... __________________ Iain - Defender of the Haggis and all things Scottish. I don't help by PM - post in the Forums. PC Safety & Security::PC running a bit slow?::Donate::Photographers Corner

11-12-2006, 03:23 PM	#459 (permalink)
K-B Moderator, Linux Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: NY Posts: 2,880 OS: Vista, Ubuntu My System	Ha! Was that you Glas? __________________

11-12-2006, 10:26 PM	#460 (permalink)
karusho TSF Enthusiast Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Silicon Valley Posts: 1,217 OS: Windows XP SP2, Windows Vista SP1, Ubuntu 8.04 My System	Probably.