Chucking wood.

twas · 11-08-2002, 01:12 AM

Danrak - Mighty Warrior & Fearless Leader,

This is my humble opinion and I know that you've told me that even I am entitled to an opinion and that when you want mine you'll tell me what it is. However, I been back for several days now and feel that I can no longer remain silent about how mis-leading I feel your "Signature" is.

I feel that the most pressing question mankind must address in our quest to understanding Woodchucks is:
"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood".

I hope that by now you know how much I respect you, but this is far too important an issue for me to sit on the sidelines and not be involved in.

After all until we answer this question and really understand our little friends how will know the best way to prepare them as an entrée.

Humbly,

twas

:ufo: :ufo: :ufo:

DJ Specs · 11-08-2002, 01:32 AM

How much songs could a DJ play, if a DJ played, to many Played songs?

**Jason** · 11-08-2002, 05:46 AM

First, you have to know the SIZE of the woodchuck. So choose a number between 5 cm (a baby woodchuck) and 500m (the mutated flesh eating species). Got it? Let's move on.
How eager is the woodchuck to chuck wood? Is he bone lazy? Does he have other things he'd really rather be doing? Or does he live for the sheer joy that only chucking wood can bring? Choose a number between 1 (catatonic) and 10 (obsessive) relating to the woodchuck's eagerness to chuck wood. Remember the number you picked in step one? Good! Multiply the two numbers together.

Did you know that 'groundhog' is another name for 'woodchuck'? You didn't? Really? Well, surely you must know that groundhogs can predict when spring is coming? You'll understand why the season is so important to the ability of a woodchuck to chuck wood. If it's spring where you live, divide the number you've already worked out by 2. If it's not spring, divide your number by 3.

The final factor you need to determine the amount of wood a woodchuck can chuck is the number of times you've watched the Bill Murray movie, "Groundhog Day". Add this number to your total.

Then always remeber this is the final answer:
A woodchuck could chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.'

**Der Rabe** · 11-08-2002, 06:13 AM

Ouch that hurt my brain to try to figure out my woodchuck.

**Der Rabe** · 11-08-2002, 06:15 AM

169.66 is my answer

**Tweetybird** · 11-08-2002, 08:16 AM

Yall really need a better hobbie.LMOA:D

**Pseudocyber** · 11-08-2002, 08:57 AM

IMHO, the more pressing question is: Which came first ... the chicken or the egg?

This is a deep philosophical question and has to do with creation vs. evolution theory.

If one goes with creation - was the egg created first or the chicken? Did they just pop into existance? And if so, was there a simultaneous creation of a rooster egg or rooster? There must have been, hopefully, or someone would have been eating a lot of scrambled eggs ... :no:

However, if one goes with evolution, then there must have been some very disappointed "other" animal - when one day it gave birth, through hatching, a chicken instead of one of its previous offspring. So, this must have been the original "ugly duckling" because it would have definately been different. Where this theory breaks down is if a chicken did "evolve" from something else it had to have a point where it was a chicken and not the other thing. At that point, again, where was the Rooster?

I find it a little hard to believe that the other thing mutated into a Hen and a Rooster at the same time and that these two unlikely mutations would have been compatible enough to propagate the "Chicken species".

So, where did the chicken or the egg come from? And which came first?

It seems to be the most likely answer is that Twas visited the 3rd Rock from the boring star over there and left a few chickens with a Hen as a joke - knowing that the lowly earthlings would ponder this question throughtout their history ... ;)

**Doonz** · 11-08-2002, 10:21 AM

the egg had to come first....that is why the chicken was risking his neck to cross the road...and he was crossing might I say to get away from the woodchuck who was tossing all the wood...otherwise the chicken would of left the area all together....now the woodchuck was chucking the wood cause when the tree fell even though no one was around to hear it the air molecules moves and that made a sound that scare the little would chuck half to death....lucky for him hewas full of life or lossing half would of killed him....

Hope that expalins it all....

What i want to know is...

1. if they have the right acelerant could the cow jump the moon and...

2.WHY did the dish run away with the spoon....what was going on that made them have to leave the area so soon??

**Tweetybird** · 11-08-2002, 10:46 AM

Only you Doonz.LMAO:D

**merlin** · 11-08-2002, 10:50 AM

Quote:

1. if they have the right acelerant could the cow jump the moon and...

I believe I've solved that problem...ingredients : beans.
feed the cow beans and be ready with the lighter.....just make sure not to burn the cows tail off... :tongue2: see there's a solution for everything !!!!

**Tweetybird** · 11-08-2002, 11:01 AM

That is way to much info.LOL

**Pseudocyber** · 11-08-2002, 11:37 AM

Hmm. Assuming the cow could achieve escape velocity, it would have to be aiming not for where the moon is, but for where it will be. Given the complexities of orbital dynamics, possibly the cow might figure this out, however, it would have to have perfect timing in order to be pulled back in by the moon's gravity and slingshot around. I don't think the moon has sufficient gravity for this, I think it would either capture the cow totally and pull it down to make a "bovine meteroid" or would only slightly alter it's flight trajectory only to be captured later by the sun. Therefore, I don't think the cow can jump over the moon - just past the moon - once again assumuming enough flatulant accelerant. I do believe we would have to assume the "tail section" of the cow would burn up and fall back into the earth's atmosphere, however. Perhaps it could be recovered in the ocean for reuse?

Now, why the dish ran away with the spoon is obvious. The spoon was cheating on the knife with the dish. And the knife was pretty pissed off about the whole affair and feeling like cutting something off - so the spoon took the dish and ran away!

Back to the chicken - what does the chicken crossing the road have to do with the egg coming before the chicken? Either the chicken came first and then crossed the road, or the egg came first, hatched a chicken, and then the chicken crossed the road.

The tree falling DOES NOT MAKE A NOISE because as Doonz correctly pointed out, it merely makes sound waves travelling through the air. "Noise" is what we call the impact of the sound waves on our ear drums - if there are no ear drums present to interpret the imact of sound waves on our ear drums, there is no "noise".

And ... if a wood chuck could chuck wood, the muscle to weight ratio of the wood would limit the wood chuck to chucking the type of wood that the tall two legged animals who walk upright and have opposable thumbs would call "twigs" therefore, the chicken wouldn't have much to worry about - with it's feathers available to absorb the impact of the "twiggy" wood being chucked by the wood chuck.

I hope this answers all the questions ... :D

twas · 11-08-2002, 06:07 PM

To clarify a few points:

Danrak - a very well thought out and exquisitely worded response.
However, you have overlooked the Key variable needed
to solve the equation, the length of the Woodchuck's
rear feet.

TopCat (DJ) - based on my experience dealing with you I would
say there are no limits to the number of songs
that you can play.

Der Robe - divide your current answer the combined length of the
rear feet and then multiply that by 144 and you will
have the correct MCW/WC/BM. (Maximum Chuckable
Wood per Woodchuck expressed in "Board Feet".

Tweetybird - New Hobby???? Your joshing me now you sweet
little Yeller Rose of Texas, why I ain't had this much
fun since the hogs ete my little brother Willard.

Doonz & Pseudocyber - If you've ever done a lot of driving on
Oklahoma State highways and/or Texas "Farm To
Market" roads and seen all of the dead Possums
and Armadillos (Texans consider these "Possum On
The Half-shell) then you'd know that the real
reason the Chicken crossed the road was to show
the possums and armadillos that it could really be
done. As for which came first, it had to be the
chicken otherwise some semi-erect, hair covered
missing link (provably from Texas) would have
gulped down the eggs and ended the evolution
of the species right then.

Merlin & Pseudocyber - Well you guys are really in the Ballpark on
this one, just one small problem, where in
the world are we going to get someone to
stand behind a gassed-up cow with a
lighted match in their hand, I mean really
guys I can't imagine anyone in their right
-------- hold on, problem solved. Doonz,
oh Doonz we have a small job for you.

:ufo: :ufo: :ufo:

twas

**angel** · 11-08-2002, 09:38 PM

You guys are so funny! :D

twas · 11-08-2002, 11:45 PM

I beg your pardon young lady, but are you making fun of the highly intelligent exchanges between myself and my peers?

:ufo: :ufo: :ufo:

twas

ps - Do you think any of this could be by being beaten over the head with a "Mad Magazine" as a child?

**Sealy** · 11-09-2002, 03:04 AM

OMG.. I have smiled so much through these posts I am crying..LOL sheeesh I'ma sap.
I dropped in here before going to bed * I believe I said in an earlier post it was 4 am...it's now like 4:10 lol) I've had a rough emotional night...poor MT, he sat with me for alot later than his bedtime letting me get it all out, he is the best..his shoulders are so strong and ..well anyway, mypoint is.....
I really really needed all this... thank y'all so much for putting a smile on my face in the midst of tears...
I love ya all.......

*grumbling ...stooopid hormones :angry2: *

**merlin** · 11-09-2002, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Merlin & Pseudocyber - Well you guys are really in the Ballpark on
this one, just one small problem, where in
the world are we going to get someone to
stand behind a gassed-up cow with a
lighted match in their hand, I mean really
guys I can't imagine anyone in their right
-------- hold on, problem solved. Doonz,
oh Doonz we have a small job for you.

Doonz, that riot gear of yours should protect you in case of an accident with a highly volatile flatulent propelant..And a word of advice...be careful around cows..I've tried to hand feed a cow once but I got bit...I guess cows dont like nabisco crackers...aldough they look dumb and lazy, they are actually a highly inteligent beings that are trying to take over Earth by systematically exterminating all opposition.They figured out the orbital complexities. They did away with dinosaurusesses and now they're campaining to wipe out all of the chicken population...this highly classified photo from U.S. DOD proves it:
be afraid be very afraid : :suspic:

**angel** · 11-09-2002, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by twas
I beg your pardon young lady, but are you making fun of the highly intelligent exchanges between myself and my peers?

Now that's funny. Just the way you word it makes it so funny. :D

You guys have a great sense of humor.:tongue2:

I love that picture of the cows. :D

**Jason** · 11-09-2002, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by merlin
aldough they look dumb and lazy, they are actually a highly inteligent beings that are trying to take over Earth by systematically exterminating all opposition.They figured out the orbital complexities. They did away with dinosaurusesses and now they're campaining to wipe out all of the chicken population...

I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm afraid you are wrong there. Dogs are working on taking over the Earth. Think about it. Mans best friend. They are working up to us. They are learning our habbits. They are just waiting for us to have a weak moment and then *POW* we are the ones obeying the orders not them. Think about it, dogs are everywhere. You really think they don't know what they are doing. The obey us to give us a false trust. I'm telling you, watch your back. Dogs are everywhere and they are coming out in more numbers. They will rule the earth one day.

**Midnight Tech** · 11-09-2002, 07:55 PM

Guys, don't forget they're behind those "cow computers" too.....

11-08-2002, 01:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
twas Servant Of The General Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Plant Celexia (By way Of Mcloud, OK) Posts: 286 OS: #1) Win98 SE #2) Win 2000	Chucking wood. Danrak - Mighty Warrior & Fearless Leader, This is my humble opinion and I know that you've told me that even I am entitled to an opinion and that when you want mine you'll tell me what it is. However, I been back for several days now and feel that I can no longer remain silent about how mis-leading I feel your "Signature" is. I feel that the most pressing question mankind must address in our quest to understanding Woodchucks is: "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood". I hope that by now you know how much I respect you, but this is far too important an issue for me to sit on the sidelines and not be involved in. After all until we answer this question and really understand our little friends how will know the best way to prepare them as an entrée. Humbly, twas :ufo: :ufo: :ufo: __________________ I am who I am, unless I'm some one else. --- If you think you understand the things I say, you need to seek HELP IMMEDADTELY.

11-08-2002, 01:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
DJ Specs Funkee Superstar! Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 2,692 OS: Windows XP Home	How much songs could a DJ play, if a DJ played, to many Played songs? __________________ Forever Young! http://www.djspecs.com

11-08-2002, 05:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jason Faugh a ballagh Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Pasco, FL Posts: 8,475 OS: Windows Vista My System Blog Entries: 2	First, you have to know the SIZE of the woodchuck. So choose a number between 5 cm (a baby woodchuck) and 500m (the mutated flesh eating species). Got it? Let's move on. How eager is the woodchuck to chuck wood? Is he bone lazy? Does he have other things he'd really rather be doing? Or does he live for the sheer joy that only chucking wood can bring? Choose a number between 1 (catatonic) and 10 (obsessive) relating to the woodchuck's eagerness to chuck wood. Remember the number you picked in step one? Good! Multiply the two numbers together. Did you know that 'groundhog' is another name for 'woodchuck'? You didn't? Really? Well, surely you must know that groundhogs can predict when spring is coming? You'll understand why the season is so important to the ability of a woodchuck to chuck wood. If it's spring where you live, divide the number you've already worked out by 2. If it's not spring, divide your number by 3. The final factor you need to determine the amount of wood a woodchuck can chuck is the number of times you've watched the Bill Murray movie, "Groundhog Day". Add this number to your total. Then always remeber this is the final answer: A woodchuck could chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.' __________________ Posting Tips \| Advice for New People \| Common Fixes \| Agus na damnaithe fágtha gan focal Glaoigh ormsa i measc na naomh

11-08-2002, 08:16 AM	#6 (permalink)
Tweetybird Dragonfly Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: texas Posts: 647 OS: win98	Yall really need a better hobbie.LMOA:D __________________ Life is to short to stay mad , so perk up and give a big smile Tweet, tweet , tweetin. Satan aka mad hatter

11-08-2002, 08:57 AM	#7 (permalink)
Pseudocyber NetEngr/Geek Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Earth\US\NC\Charlotte Posts: 1,394 OS: Win2K	IMHO, the more pressing question is: Which came first ... the chicken or the egg? This is a deep philosophical question and has to do with creation vs. evolution theory. If one goes with creation - was the egg created first or the chicken? Did they just pop into existance? And if so, was there a simultaneous creation of a rooster egg or rooster? There must have been, hopefully, or someone would have been eating a lot of scrambled eggs ... :no: However, if one goes with evolution, then there must have been some very disappointed "other" animal - when one day it gave birth, through hatching, a chicken instead of one of its previous offspring. So, this must have been the original "ugly duckling" because it would have definately been different. Where this theory breaks down is if a chicken did "evolve" from something else it had to have a point where it was a chicken and not the other thing. At that point, again, where was the Rooster? I find it a little hard to believe that the other thing mutated into a Hen and a Rooster at the same time and that these two unlikely mutations would have been compatible enough to propagate the "Chicken species". So, where did the chicken or the egg come from? And which came first? It seems to be the most likely answer is that Twas visited the 3rd Rock from the boring star over there and left a few chickens with a Hen as a joke - knowing that the lowly earthlings would ponder this question throughtout their history ... ;) __________________ AM = :coffee: PM = :cheers: CCNA, NNCSSx2, MCSE (NT), A+, CNA

11-08-2002, 06:13 AM	#4 (permalink)
Der Rabe Watching from the shadows Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Currently In Michigan Posts: 1,140 OS: XP Sp3, Vista sp1, 2003 sp2	Ouch that hurt my brain to try to figure out my woodchuck.

11-08-2002, 06:15 AM	#5 (permalink)
Der Rabe Watching from the shadows Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Currently In Michigan Posts: 1,140 OS: XP Sp3, Vista sp1, 2003 sp2	169.66 is my answer

11-08-2002, 10:21 AM	#8 (permalink)
Doonz S.W.A.T Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Long Island Posts: 1,481 OS: WinXP, Vista, MAC 10.x	the egg had to come first....that is why the chicken was risking his neck to cross the road...and he was crossing might I say to get away from the woodchuck who was tossing all the wood...otherwise the chicken would of left the area all together....now the woodchuck was chucking the wood cause when the tree fell even though no one was around to hear it the air molecules moves and that made a sound that scare the little would chuck half to death....lucky for him hewas full of life or lossing half would of killed him.... Hope that expalins it all.... What i want to know is... 1. if they have the right acelerant could the cow jump the moon and... 2.WHY did the dish run away with the spoon....what was going on that made them have to leave the area so soon?? __________________ Simple Wise-A%$ Techie

11-08-2002, 10:46 AM	#9 (permalink)
Tweetybird Dragonfly Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: texas Posts: 647 OS: win98	Only you Doonz.LMAO:D __________________ Life is to short to stay mad , so perk up and give a big smile Tweet, tweet , tweetin. Satan aka mad hatter

11-08-2002, 11:01 AM	#11 (permalink)
Tweetybird Dragonfly Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: texas Posts: 647 OS: win98	That is way to much info.LOL __________________ Life is to short to stay mad , so perk up and give a big smile Tweet, tweet , tweetin. Satan aka mad hatter

11-08-2002, 11:37 AM	#12 (permalink)
Pseudocyber NetEngr/Geek Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Earth\US\NC\Charlotte Posts: 1,394 OS: Win2K	Hmm. Assuming the cow could achieve escape velocity, it would have to be aiming not for where the moon is, but for where it will be. Given the complexities of orbital dynamics, possibly the cow might figure this out, however, it would have to have perfect timing in order to be pulled back in by the moon's gravity and slingshot around. I don't think the moon has sufficient gravity for this, I think it would either capture the cow totally and pull it down to make a "bovine meteroid" or would only slightly alter it's flight trajectory only to be captured later by the sun. Therefore, I don't think the cow can jump over the moon - just past the moon - once again assumuming enough flatulant accelerant. I do believe we would have to assume the "tail section" of the cow would burn up and fall back into the earth's atmosphere, however. Perhaps it could be recovered in the ocean for reuse? Now, why the dish ran away with the spoon is obvious. The spoon was cheating on the knife with the dish. And the knife was pretty pissed off about the whole affair and feeling like cutting something off - so the spoon took the dish and ran away! Back to the chicken - what does the chicken crossing the road have to do with the egg coming before the chicken? Either the chicken came first and then crossed the road, or the egg came first, hatched a chicken, and then the chicken crossed the road. The tree falling DOES NOT MAKE A NOISE because as Doonz correctly pointed out, it merely makes sound waves travelling through the air. "Noise" is what we call the impact of the sound waves on our ear drums - if there are no ear drums present to interpret the imact of sound waves on our ear drums, there is no "noise". And ... if a wood chuck could chuck wood, the muscle to weight ratio of the wood would limit the wood chuck to chucking the type of wood that the tall two legged animals who walk upright and have opposable thumbs would call "twigs" therefore, the chicken wouldn't have much to worry about - with it's feathers available to absorb the impact of the "twiggy" wood being chucked by the wood chuck. I hope this answers all the questions ... :D __________________ AM = :coffee: PM = :cheers: CCNA, NNCSSx2, MCSE (NT), A+, CNA

11-08-2002, 06:07 PM	#13 (permalink)
twas Servant Of The General Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Plant Celexia (By way Of Mcloud, OK) Posts: 286 OS: #1) Win98 SE #2) Win 2000	Woodchucks, Mud-ducks and you & I in the moonlight To clarify a few points: Danrak - a very well thought out and exquisitely worded response. However, you have overlooked the Key variable needed to solve the equation, the length of the Woodchuck's rear feet. TopCat (DJ) - based on my experience dealing with you I would say there are no limits to the number of songs that you can play. Der Robe - divide your current answer the combined length of the rear feet and then multiply that by 144 and you will have the correct MCW/WC/BM. (Maximum Chuckable Wood per Woodchuck expressed in "Board Feet". Tweetybird - New Hobby???? Your joshing me now you sweet little Yeller Rose of Texas, why I ain't had this much fun since the hogs ete my little brother Willard. Doonz & Pseudocyber - If you've ever done a lot of driving on Oklahoma State highways and/or Texas "Farm To Market" roads and seen all of the dead Possums and Armadillos (Texans consider these "Possum On The Half-shell) then you'd know that the real reason the Chicken crossed the road was to show the possums and armadillos that it could really be done. As for which came first, it had to be the chicken otherwise some semi-erect, hair covered missing link (provably from Texas) would have gulped down the eggs and ended the evolution of the species right then. Merlin & Pseudocyber - Well you guys are really in the Ballpark on this one, just one small problem, where in the world are we going to get someone to stand behind a gassed-up cow with a lighted match in their hand, I mean really guys I can't imagine anyone in their right -------- hold on, problem solved. Doonz, oh Doonz we have a small job for you. :ufo: :ufo: :ufo: twas __________________ I am who I am, unless I'm some one else. --- If you think you understand the things I say, you need to seek HELP IMMEDADTELY.

11-08-2002, 09:38 PM	#14 (permalink)
angel Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 489 OS: Windows XP	You guys are so funny! :D

11-08-2002, 11:45 PM	#15 (permalink)
twas Servant Of The General Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Plant Celexia (By way Of Mcloud, OK) Posts: 286 OS: #1) Win98 SE #2) Win 2000	I beg your pardon young lady, but are you making fun of the highly intelligent exchanges between myself and my peers? :ufo: :ufo: :ufo: twas ps - Do you think any of this could be by being beaten over the head with a "Mad Magazine" as a child? __________________ I am who I am, unless I'm some one else. --- If you think you understand the things I say, you need to seek HELP IMMEDADTELY.

11-09-2002, 03:04 AM	#16 (permalink)
Sealy Resident Brat Emeritus :P Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Margaritaville Posts: 2,045 OS: XP(home)	OMG.. I have smiled so much through these posts I am crying..LOL sheeesh I'ma sap. I dropped in here before going to bed * I believe I said in an earlier post it was 4 am...it's now like 4:10 lol) I've had a rough emotional night...poor MT, he sat with me for alot later than his bedtime letting me get it all out, he is the best..his shoulders are so strong and ..well anyway, mypoint is..... I really really needed all this... thank y'all so much for putting a smile on my face in the midst of tears... I love ya all....... grumbling ...stooopid hormones :angry2: __________________ ~Brightest Blessings~ Sealy Kim --------------------- Ná glac pioc comhairle gan comhairle ban. O Autumn. Laden with fruit, and stained With the blood of the grape, pass not, but sit Beneath my shady roof, there thou may'st rest, And tune thy jolly voice to my fresh pipe; And all the daughters of the year shall dance, Sing now the lusty song of fruits and flowers. -William Blake- Contributions will not go unnoticed.

11-09-2002, 07:55 PM	#20 (permalink)
Midnight Tech Admin/Head GreaseMonkey/Igor's alter ego/Grand Exalted PoohBah Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: SC Posts: 2,919 OS: Windows XP Home/Pro SP3/Windows 98SE/Fedora Core 6/RH 7.2 with Autopoint/TAMS II	Guys, don't forget they're behind those "cow computers" too..... __________________ Please post all questions in the appropriate forum. Questions sent by email or PM will not be answered. Sharing my life...with my Imzadi! Interested in Trek gaming? Check out the Dynaverse! Proud supporter of the Carolinas Aviation Museum. If we have helped you in any way, please donate to keep TSF up and running!