neckclicker

I always had a relatively happy life, up until secondary school, where I started to get bullied.
This came to a head in Year 9, when out of nowhere the bully came up to me and punched me hard in the back of the neck.
Now I have seen a chiropractor (unsuccesfully) and am now going to another specialist who I have been referred to, who hopefully can relieve the problem, although I have been told I am probably going to have to keep the clicking/cracking in my neck.

It is this clicking/cracking which I have got ever since I got punched.
You could say that I may have got a cracking neck anyway, but I'll never know.

Anyway, this may interest the psychology students amongst you, I hope you can help (Yes I know this is no substitute for professional help, but as I am on a long waiting list, I would appreciate help from you TSR!)...

Basically, every time my neck clicks, I get upset, thinking it shouldn't be happening, because I didn't deserve to get punched. This is annoying but I can live with it.
It is when I get an "extreme" case that I get upset.
Let me give you a real life example that happened recently:
Suppose I had to be on the phone for half an hour to my doctor about my neck (which I believe wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the punch), then I missed the chance to talk to someone. (I heard them outside while I was on the phone, but when I had finished they were gone).

I then worried about this when I heard them the next day outside my room. By this I mean I hesitated and thought whether I should just burst out and talk to them or not, as we haven't really spoken before.
It would undoubtedly have helped my confidence if we had spoken the night before, but of course I was on the phone because of my neck.

I now think of many things that "would have" happened had we spoken, but that haven't happened.

You must be thinking: just talk to them now. Well thats the problem: I don't think this is "the right time" and am worried that if anything goes wrong in the conversation its getting too late to call friends for support on this.

It is this chain of thought: If I never got punched, I wouldn't have been on the phone then, we would have chatted yesterday, we could then have chatted more today, we would be on our way to becoming great friends.

that annoys me, because that is not true.
I could try and make friends today, but if it doesn't work I will be so upset.
Its like being normally upset at someone rejecting you I guess, but with the added damage of it being because of an old bully.


I welcome you guys to challenge my thoughts, and give me good advice.

DonaldG

Hi Neckclicker

Firstly, a warm welcome to TSF

This is a family orientated forum and no bullying here! Feel safe...

Have you discussed bullying issues with your parents? If that is not viable, how about the local priest/minister?

Does your school have any 'anti-bullying' group or regime? If so you should contact them. If not, then I would contact the Principle and discuss it with him/her...

Dwelling on 'what if' is a pointless exercise. Believe me, I have a Master's Degree in 'what if' and 'if only'. What has happened up to now cannot be changed. You must accept that.

What is important is what happens from this point onwards. It wholly depends on your current situation as to what course of action or attitude to take. You really need expert advice - I am no expert other than to say that I was once bullied...Once! My son was also bullied and the principle exclaimed 'There is no bullying in my school'

If you are still at school and in close proximity with the bully, then ignore him/her completely. Avoid contact and hope the situation normalises. However, I really do think that you should report the incident. The bully IS a bully and needs victims to satisfy his/her needs for the feeling of power! He needs to be stopped before he inflicts his devastation on someone else.

One final thing...You have taken first steps courage by posting your concern here - I hope others can help too. You should also confide and seek counsel from friends and others who you have confidence and trust in.

Regards
Donald

Mcninjaguy

In kindergarten I got knocked off the monkey bars (fell unconcious) I was fine but I had to go to hospital

I've been bullied before, it started in kindergarten, I brought a scrap piece of copper pipe to school I was caught (grade 2 or 3) (my dad is plumber)I almost had that on my permanent record, but my dad convinced the principal that he his point of view was wrong and stupid(I was bullied for most of the year).

a couple grades later (3 or 4) some kid kept tripping me (some stupid sliding trip technique like running and sliding in baseball) I beat the living bajesuz out of him with my bicycle helmet (who says safe bicycles pratices aren't good) ohh my.
Again the principle blamed the entire incident on me but I had told the teachers a couple of times I was bullied this time round. I got off scott free and I had to apologize to him. The kid tried to be my friend, I told him to bugger off.

I got knocked unconcious by a guy about double my size in grade 5 or something. he was persistant and I was me The crazy (half Irish, quarter British, quarter Estonian) boy i was run at him full blast and tackled him, we flew about 6 feet or so.

The bulling continued through middle school and I toughed it out, always exacted revenge, but I was never a angry kid I just wanted to be left alone by these losers. teachers never helped, only family.

It continued to smaller extent through high school but the problems were slightly worse with experimentation with marijuana and being cheated out of money once. (I was smart enough to just avoid those creeps from then on).

I had a friend ( more like used me for about 6 years) since middle school til right after high school i was friends with him. He lost all his friends once i stopped being his friend becasue the only reason people could stand him was me.

I remember his circle of hate, that he had in his mind. he said this, " People deserve to be froshed because I was froshed"

I never liked this at all and it was one of the breaking points for me.

I had a lot of hate in me for a while and right when I was about to simply cut myself out his miserable existence he told me this "Bros before hoes, (i just met the love of my life) you have to pick between me and her".

It was turmoil and he started giving out my girlfriends number to different losers in the city and would prank call her. He was afraid of me (he wieghs around 170lbs or so and I weigh around 290lbs, built like a tank) so he wouldn't phone me, was afraid of my family.

Ok so I had a lot of hate wanted to kill him sometimes, and a rage was building up. I couldn't stand it. So I found what I wanted to do for a while Martial arts!

I started Jiu Jitsu and it worked like magic to focus myself and calm me down and get fit ( I was a little overweight, more flab than I wanted)

So what I'm trying to say is even after revenge the hate never goes away you just want to do more pain inflicting activities. A hobby is always a good start and a strong support system does wonder to get your mind off of "What ifs" and "if only" (like what donaldG said)

a distraction is what you need, maybe not too physical seeing as your neck is actingoddly but you know get out of the house and do something productive.

I hope you get better and if your mind starts going in circles you just gotta think
"im better than that and I don't need to compare to something else, this is my life I will get it sorted or ask for help"

asking for help is never a sign of weakness, its a strength opening yourself to people that care about you.

Done_Fishin

try and break out of this way of thinking .. you already know it's no good for you and if you let it get hold of you it'll slowly destroy you and all those around you ..

I too was bullied at school .. from being called names when I was 7 years old to having bullies try kick my head in during class (teacher missing) in the science labs at 15 .. luckily I always fought back and gave as good as i got (or tried to)

Once away from school at 17 and started work things changed because I was now in control of my environment in the fact that I could pick and choose where I wanted to be and where I worked. That doesn't mean that you still didn't get the clowns trying to be clever with you but that childish attitude of trying to smash whatever someone thought was better than them disappeared, and if I thought that I couldn't cope with the people I was working with it was just a case of look for something else and hope that the next job was better. I never changed jobs though because I couldn't deal with colleagues .. only to better myself because things were getting mundane or boring and i felt I needed a new challenge.

if you take the attitude "what if", "why", "if only" or "I'm not to blame" from a young age .. then you'll be setting yourself up to be tortured for life ..

We are what we are at any given moment in time the result of whatever has happened to us up until that time.
Going through life has as many options to it as a caterpillar has when heading up a tree. Every time you take a decision it's like coming to a branch or a twig and choosing a path that requires to be taken. Every decision you make can normally be turned around by going back but there are some decisions where there are no returns, like falling from one branch and catching hold of another.

getting through life is all about keeping a positive attitude .. like knowing you only have to be where you are for a few hours a day, that holidays are coming, that you will get that certificate you wanted and then you can change things .. but it requires work!

Life sucks and everyone has problems, many worse than what you are going through, not that I am trying to berate your problems. Today someone hit you and you got hurt .. tomorrow you may fall over and hurt yourself .. if you hadn't been hurt yesterday would you have still fallen over to hurt yourself today or are you just feeling sorry for yourself because you didn't watch what you were doing and want someone to blame for your problems.

it's very easy to start blaming everyone for our misfortunes and to believe that someone else is always to blame ..
do you want to blame your parents because you were born .. or blame your grandparents because your parents were born ??

We are what we are .. stuff happens and we can't always revert to what was before .. what we can do though is accept what is going on and go forward, take a positive attitude and try to improve our position. Never give up the thought that things will / must improve and that your situation is the worst ever .. the worst thing that can happen is when you're buried and have left behind those you love and those that love you. All the rest is just a test in life to see how you handle yourself.

yep, you're going through a bad patch right now .. but who hasn't .. survive .. adapt and survive .. and keep a positive attitude .. I know it's easy to say and difficult to do .. but if you start thinking about all the good things that are happening in spite of the bad stuff that has happened then you will be a far better person for it.

gistek

When I was in 10th grade I injured my neck on a trampoline, and my neck bothered me the rest of my time in high school. I think this was mainly because of all the books I had to carry.

In college I found ways to not have to carry so much weight, and finally recovered about 90% of my strength and dexterity. What I lost was some left side motor coordination - just enough that I can't drive a car with a clutch pedal and can't touch type.

There have been times since then that I had problems, but until recently I occasionally went several years between episodes. Over the last few years I've had increasingly severe and frequent episodes. I had an MRI early this month and it shows a lot of damage in my c-spine, so I'm scheduled to see a surgeon a few days after Christmas.

I'm keeping a blog about it at http://gistek.wordpress.com

Tumbleweed36

I am a retired school principal and my advice to you is very short. Go see your Principal and tell him what you have told us here. If he is a great principal, he will take care of your needs, fears, and feelings in the school setting and can also provide assistance if needed in the out-of-school area also. You need to do that ASAP.

HawMan

I was only verbally bullied, getting called names etc, however im a strong hearted guy and it didn't bother me, However one day as i was walking to the shops with my dog two of them tryed to attack me from behind, thankyfully my dog had a nice bite out of one of them ( making him run off ) and i managed to punch the other one hard enough that he ran away crying.

They never ever bothered me ever again - Infact i still see them and they just walk past me .

i HATE bullies, It annoys me when people think they are better than you because their parents own two cars, or they have a bigger house than you.

My advice to people who are being bullied ? Try to ignore them, they will eventually get bored and give up. If not - Tell you're close friends, Family etc.


Keep you're head up !

devil lady

Tell someone about the bullying. As for the injury, I've been on medication after being thrown from a horse when I was 16. My neck and back will never be the same. That was nearly 30 years ago and when the pain hits you just want to crawl in a corner. I didn't, I'm married, 2 kids, great life.
I look at it this way, if it hadn't happened would I be where I am now? If I'd let it ruin my life it would have done. I'm happy to be alive and as they say, optimists live longer.
You're a long time dead, enjoy life, its only as good as you make it.

Done_Fishin

I'm 100% behind that statement .. well said!!