Just For Laughs

twas · 08-15-2002, 11:27 PM

How to tell if your a RedNeck/Okie (I think these are new one's.)

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2.You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly
swatter.

3.Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

4.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

5.You burn your yard rather than mow it.

6.You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

7.The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

8.Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

9.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't
want it.

10.You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

11.You come back from the dump with more than you took.

12.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

13.Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

14.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

15.You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

16.You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

17.Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

18.You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

19.You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

20.You have a rag for a gas cap.

21.Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

22.You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

23.You can spit without opening your mouth.

24.You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

25.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

26.You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
quota.

27.You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool
Whip on the side.

28.The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

29.Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

30.You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

31.You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

32.You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

33.Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

34.A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.

35.You've used a toilet brush as a back scratchier.

36.You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"

37.You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

38.You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

This one's not new but it's my favorite:

Your mother doesn't bother to take the Marlboro out of her mouth before telling the State Trooper to kiss her axx.

twas

DJ Specs · 08-15-2002, 11:35 PM

I like # 36 Yee Haw!

jimdoss · 08-16-2002, 08:02 AM

Some of these sound like my brother. He soaks his self in the bath tub for a hour in pine-sol. He says that it really cleans you.

Jim

**Jason** · 08-16-2002, 08:12 AM

Strange. I was listening to the radio this morning, and some guy got 18 months in jail, 5 years probation, for having intercourse with a horse. It was caught on tape. He also has to register as a sex offender.

**Valiant** · 08-16-2002, 08:22 AM

WOW! they got my number! I'm all about the trailer trashiness of life

**Zvalkor** · 08-16-2002, 11:39 AM

Sadly I have actually seen alot of those (mostly other people but a few could have applied to me) when I grew up in the countryside of Mississippi. Not the proudest moments in my past, hehe.

**Valiant** · 08-16-2002, 12:16 PM

hey atleast its in your past... I've got it in the current... not quite as ful blown but yeah..

twas · 08-17-2002, 03:10 AM

What do get if you cross an Okie and an ape??

Answer = A retarded and very mad ape.
or
A happy Okie with above average intelligence.

:ufo: :ufo: :ufo:

twas

**Drupy** · 08-23-2002, 06:37 PM

Ahh Home Sweet Home

Sounds like Lancaster to me..... What do ya think Midnight?

**Sealy** · 08-23-2002, 07:43 PM

Hey!! All us Mississippians aren't like that..lol some of us were debutantes...giggle

You know you are a redneck if you use a coffee can as a light cover for your front porch light

*really happened!!*

**TheTechIsIn** · 08-23-2002, 07:46 PM

Seen it done!!! :no:

**Midnight Tech** · 08-23-2002, 08:33 PM

Hey guys I overheard a phone call today in which the husband musta been giving his wife an odd stare. She replied back to him, "What are you staring at me like that for? I didn't just step off the stupid truck!":rolling:

DJ Specs · 08-23-2002, 09:43 PM

LOL! Good one!

**Drupy** · 08-23-2002, 09:45 PM

He was staring at her because of the way she was looking at Midnight. I tell ya he has a way with women.:D

DJ Specs · 08-23-2002, 09:52 PM

Midnight is Romeo is disguise!

08-15-2002, 11:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
twas Servant Of The General Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Plant Celexia (By way Of Mcloud, OK) Posts: 286 OS: #1) Win98 SE #2) Win 2000	Just For Laughs How to tell if your a RedNeck/Okie (I think these are new one's.) 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2.You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. 3.Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. 4.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 5.You burn your yard rather than mow it. 6.You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive. 7.The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 8.Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one. 9.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 10.You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 11.You come back from the dump with more than you took. 12.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 13.Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list. 14.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. 15.You've bathed with flea and tick soap. 16.You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 17.Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell. 18.You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. 19.You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 20.You have a rag for a gas cap. 21.Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. 22.You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 23.You can spit without opening your mouth. 24.You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 25.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 26.You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota. 27.You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. 28.The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. 29.Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. 30.You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler. 31.You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 32.You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart. 33.Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home. 34.A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement. 35.You've used a toilet brush as a back scratchier. 36.You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?" 37.You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. 38.You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph. This one's not new but it's my favorite: Your mother doesn't bother to take the Marlboro out of her mouth before telling the State Trooper to kiss her axx. twas __________________ I am who I am, unless I'm some one else. --- If you think you understand the things I say, you need to seek HELP IMMEDADTELY.

08-15-2002, 11:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
DJ Specs Funkee Superstar! Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 2,691 OS: Windows XP Home	I like # 36 Yee Haw! __________________ Forever Young! http://www.djspecs.com

08-16-2002, 08:02 AM	#3 (permalink)
jimdoss Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Montana Posts: 130 OS: Windows XP Pro	Red necks Some of these sound like my brother. He soaks his self in the bath tub for a hour in pine-sol. He says that it really cleans you. Jim

08-16-2002, 08:12 AM	#4 (permalink)
Jason Puppy Power Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Pasco, FL Posts: 8,705 OS: Windows Vista My System	Strange. I was listening to the radio this morning, and some guy got 18 months in jail, 5 years probation, for having intercourse with a horse. It was caught on tape. He also has to register as a sex offender. __________________ Posting Tips \| Advice for New People \| Common Fixes \| Agus na damnaithe fágtha gan focal Glaoigh ormsa i measc na naomh

08-16-2002, 08:22 AM	#5 (permalink)
Valiant Tech Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,253 OS: Win XP Pro My System	WOW! they got my number! I'm all about the trailer trashiness of life __________________ "Just because your paranoid doesn't mean THEY aren't out to get you!" (º·.¸(¨·.¸ ¸.·¨)¸.·º) «.·°·. Valiant .·°·.» (¸.·º(¸.·¨* *¨·.¸)º·.¸)

08-16-2002, 11:39 AM	#6 (permalink)
Zvalkor Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Central Valley, CA Posts: 598 OS: XP Pro , SuSE 8.2	Sadly I have actually seen alot of those (mostly other people but a few could have applied to me) when I grew up in the countryside of Mississippi. Not the proudest moments in my past, hehe. __________________ If this post seems strange, don't worry. It's just me.

08-16-2002, 12:16 PM	#7 (permalink)
Valiant Tech Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,253 OS: Win XP Pro My System	hey atleast its in your past... I've got it in the current... not quite as ful blown but yeah.. __________________ "Just because your paranoid doesn't mean THEY aren't out to get you!" (º·.¸(¨·.¸ ¸.·¨)¸.·º) «.·°·. Valiant .·°·.» (¸.·º(¸.·¨* *¨·.¸)º·.¸)

08-17-2002, 03:10 AM	#8 (permalink)
twas Servant Of The General Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Plant Celexia (By way Of Mcloud, OK) Posts: 286 OS: #1) Win98 SE #2) Win 2000	What do get if you cross an Okie and an ape?? Answer = A retarded and very mad ape. or A happy Okie with above average intelligence. :ufo: :ufo: :ufo: twas __________________ I am who I am, unless I'm some one else. --- If you think you understand the things I say, you need to seek HELP IMMEDADTELY.

08-23-2002, 06:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
Drupy STILL Stuck in a treestand.... Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Lancaster SC Posts: 928 OS: Win 2003 Server on my Apple IIe	Ahh Home Sweet Home Sounds like Lancaster to me..... What do ya think Midnight? __________________ BJH Trust me I think I know what I'm talking about! If not I can BS my way through it. A+, NET+, MCP,MCSA,CCNA,BS+ (OK for everyone not knowing! BS+ = Bull S#@ter +)

08-23-2002, 07:43 PM	#10 (permalink)
Sealy Resident Brat Emeritus :P Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Margaritaville Posts: 2,045 OS: XP(home)	Hey!! All us Mississippians aren't like that..lol some of us were debutantes...giggle You know you are a redneck if you use a coffee can as a light cover for your front porch light really happened!! __________________ ~Brightest Blessings~ Sealy Kim --------------------- Ná glac pioc comhairle gan comhairle ban. O Autumn. Laden with fruit, and stained With the blood of the grape, pass not, but sit Beneath my shady roof, there thou may'st rest, And tune thy jolly voice to my fresh pipe; And all the daughters of the year shall dance, Sing now the lusty song of fruits and flowers. -William Blake- Contributions will not go unnoticed.

08-23-2002, 07:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
TheTechIsIn Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: Roaming the US Posts: 1,691 OS: WinXP & Linux	Seen it done!!! :no: __________________ <-- This Space for Sale -->

08-23-2002, 08:33 PM	#12 (permalink)
Midnight Tech Admin/Head GreaseMonkey/Igor's alter ego/Grand Exalted PoohBah Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: SC Posts: 3,045 OS: Windows XP Home/Pro SP3/Windows 98SE/Fedora Core 6/RH 7.2 with Autopoint/TAMS II	Hey guys I overheard a phone call today in which the husband musta been giving his wife an odd stare. She replied back to him, "What are you staring at me like that for? I didn't just step off the stupid truck!":rolling: __________________ Please post all questions in the appropriate forum. Questions sent by email or PM will not be answered. Sharing my life...with my Imzadi! Interested in Trek gaming? Check out the Dynaverse! Proud supporter of the Carolinas Aviation Museum. If we have helped you in any way, please donate to keep TSF up and running!

08-23-2002, 09:43 PM	#13 (permalink)
DJ Specs Funkee Superstar! Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 2,691 OS: Windows XP Home	LOL! Good one! __________________ Forever Young! http://www.djspecs.com

08-23-2002, 09:45 PM	#14 (permalink)
Drupy STILL Stuck in a treestand.... Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Lancaster SC Posts: 928 OS: Win 2003 Server on my Apple IIe	He was staring at her because of the way she was looking at Midnight. I tell ya he has a way with women.:D __________________ BJH Trust me I think I know what I'm talking about! If not I can BS my way through it. A+, NET+, MCP,MCSA,CCNA,BS+ (OK for everyone not knowing! BS+ = Bull S#@ter +)

08-23-2002, 09:52 PM	#15 (permalink)
DJ Specs Funkee Superstar! Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 2,691 OS: Windows XP Home	Midnight is Romeo is disguise! __________________ Forever Young! http://www.djspecs.com