Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07

[Jack.Sparrow]

Nice ones!!

A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter [a five letter word which is related to the male species]. Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!!!

[sandman55]

[sandman55]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?'
She asked.

'Hunting Flies'
He responded.

'Oh! Killing any?'
She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

[Jack.Sparrow]

[sandman55]

A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe me just try this little experiment.
Lock both your dog and your wife in the boot of your car for one hour.

When you open the car boot....... who is really happy to see you?

[ashumann12]

TRAGIC SITUATION

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as our government
underwent a peaceful transition of power seven years ago. At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism as I watched George W. Bush take his oath of office. However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched William Jefferson Clinton board Air Force One for the last time. I saw 21 Marines, in full dress uniform with rifles, fire a 21-gun salute to the outgoing President. It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated under Clinton. Every one of them missed.

[sandman55]

Lets hope they have better aim when George goes

[Jack.Sparrow]

[deejay100six]

Lets hope they have better aim when George goes

Don't follow politics much but doesn't it look like he's gonna be replaced by someone who's name rhymes with osama.



Some signs that i came across, just spent about an hour trying to figure out why i couldn't get them all in the same post, maybe there's a limit.

So, the rest will be in following post.

Attachment 24715



Oops
Attachment 24716



Attachment 24717
Or is it left?????


Attachment 24718



Drove past this one a few times and often wondered.
Attachment 24719

[deejay100six]

This one is a perfect example of what i come across all the time in the UK, we are learning about disabled access but very slowly.
37327_2.jpg

37328_2.jpg

37329_2.jpg

37330_2.jpg

Ok, cmon now, why could i see the jpegs in the first post, then after i posted second one they turned into attachments???????????

[Jack.Sparrow]

Did you sure the [img] tags, or links? (Cause I can't see the pictures in your first post Even after I click the links)

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Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding, which got increasingly tighter around her feet as the day went on. That night, when the festivities were finally over and they finally retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are absolutely killing me!" Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales worked on her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla, "Harder!" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, my darling! But it's just so blooming tight!" "Come on, my prince! Give it all you've got!" she cried. Finally, when the shoe released, Charles let out a loud groan and Camilla exclaimed, "Aaahh! Oh, God, that feels sooo good!" In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I told you with a face like that, she would still be a virgin!" Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, bloody hell, darling! This one's even tighter!" To which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"

[ashumann12]

[deejay100six]

A police officer saw an elderly lady speeding so he pulled her over;

Drving licence please, madam,

Sorry officer, i don't have one, i lost it for drunk driving,

Does the vehicle belong to you?

No, i stole it after killing the driver and chopping him up into pieces, he is in the trunk if you want to have a look.

The officer took a step back, drew his gun and called for backup,

Very soon the car was surrounded by armed police,

The commanding officer approached the car,

Step out of the vehicle please madam,

The woman got out of the car.

So, no driving licence, huh,

Yes, officer its right here,

So, where did you steal the car?

Steal the car? No, its my car, here are the documents.

So, who's the guy in the trunk?

Nothing in the trunk, here's the key's, take a look if you want.

The trunk was opened and it was indeed, empty.

Well madam, i am a bit puzzled, the officer who pulled you over said that you had lost your licence for drunk driving and stolen this vehicle after murdering the driver, dismembering him and placing his remains in the trunk.

Oh yeah, said the old lady, i bet the lying bar steward told you i was speeding as well, did he?

[JohnthePilot]

I'll have to try that myself next time I'm pulled over.

[Jack.Sparrow]