Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07

[deejay100six]

Originally Posted by Jack.Sparrow

**Slight Course language, minor adult themes**

http://spikedhumor.com/articles/1578...an-IT-Guy.html

Quality.

Just reminded me, never got into games much but completed Halo on easiest level about 2 yrs ago. Shall have to dig it out for another go.

[sandman55]

OK this one is for JS and his new Avatar

A baby polar bear asks his mother ''Mommy, am I 100% polar bear?'' The mother looks up in thought, and replies ''Well, your father is 100% polar bear, and I'm 100% polar bear, so I'd say yes, you're 100% polar bear.''
He then says "Are you sure I'm not a brown bear or a koala bear?"
His mother then says "No of course not your a 100% Polar bear"

Not satisfied with this answer, the baby polar bear goes to his father and asks ''Daddy, am I 100% polar bear and not a brown bear or a koala bear?'' The father pauses briefly, and responds ''Well, your mom's parents were both 100% polar bear, and my parents were both 100% polar bear, so yes, you're 100% polar bear.''
The father then looks at his son and says ''why do you ask?''
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The son replies ''because I'm F#@%^# Freezing

[Jack.Sparrow]

[jnt_itking]

hello friends

[ashumann12]

NEW AIRLINE RULES
>
> Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see
> your ticket?
>
> Passenger: Sure.
>
> Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
>
>
> Passenger: What for?
>
> Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
>
> Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
>
> Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator
> fee of $5. It's
> the airline's new policy.
>
> Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I
> won't pay it.
>
> Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
>
> Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the
> airline is going to hear
> about this.
>
> Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks
> heavy. Would you
> like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
>
> Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
>
> Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be
> $10, please.
>
> Passenger: What?
>
> Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on
> assistance fee.
>
> Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
>
> Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand.
> You need to sit, and
> fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from
> the gate. But, first I
> need that $10.
>
> Passenger: No way!
>
> Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced
> to call the air
> marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
>
> Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
>
> Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing
> fee.
>
> Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't
> believe this.
>
> Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there
> anything else I can
> do for you?
>
> Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead
> fan doesn't seem to
> work. Can you fix it?
>
> Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just
> insert two quarters
> into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
>
> Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?
>
> Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is
> provided free of
> charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
>
> Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make
> change for a dollar?
>
> Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
>
> Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for
> my dollar.
>
> Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25
> cents.
>
> Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a
> lousy quarter? What the
> heck can I do with this?
>
> Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the
> lavatory.

[JohnthePilot]

It's not far off.

[ashumann12]

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat, and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then, using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it into the bed of their truck while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, 'Who was that guy?'

'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he sure don't know anything about bear hunting! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?

[Done_Fishin]

brilliant .. keep me laughing folks

[sandman55]

[sandman55]

Originally Posted by jnt_itking

hello friends

Hi jnt_itking Welcome to Tech Support Forum

[WereBo]

....

Brilliant!!!


Allo jnt_itking and welcome to here

[ashumann12]

WHY PARENTS DRINK

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that
was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling
hands and read the letter.


Dear Dad:


It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am.
But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the
woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone.. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the
other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime
we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better.
She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to
know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son Cody,

P.S.. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

[WereBo]

Dayammm!!! That's a single malt just gone over my monitor!!!

...... Brilliant!!!

[Jack.Sparrow]

[carolita]

hehehehehehe