Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07

[gistek]

That means you need a break from your studies.

[deejay100six]

Not having the benefit of an English/Yorkshire accent i suppose you would pronounce it MY shell. Here, it would be pronounced me shell.

Come on Jack, i know you are young, but not that green, surely?

Edit; oops sorry Gistek, didn't realise the page had been turned.

[Jack.Sparrow]

I read it as Me Shell but I thought it was a name .... I know ...

An elderly couple was having dinner at another couple's house. After their meal, the wives went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gents were talking, and one says, "Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant that I'd highly recommend.

The other man says, "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying, "Uh, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"

His friend replies, "A carnation?"

"No, no. The other one," the man says.

His friend suggests, "The poppy?"

"No, no, no," growls the man. "You know--the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend says, "Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes! Thank you," the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

[JohnthePilot]

Another oldie, but goldie.

[sandman55]

[Jack.Sparrow]

I googled lame jokes to keep with the theme

[WereBo]

Hehehehehehehehehehehe.......


There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later , just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'. After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch , and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted.

[Done_Fishin]

Originally Posted by Jack.Sparrow

I googled lame jokes to keep with the theme

@JS ...

Originally Posted by Jack.Sparrow

An elderly couple was having dinner at another couple's house. After their meal, the wives went into the kitchen.

The two elderly gents were talking, and one says, "Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant that I'd highly recommend.

The other man says, "What's the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying, "Uh, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"

His friend replies, "A carnation?"

"No, no. The other one," the man says.

His friend suggests, "The poppy?"

"No, no, no," growls the man. "You know--the one that is red and has thorns."

His friend says, "Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes! Thank you," the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

you're getting too close to home for comfort

[Jack.Sparrow]

[deejay100six]

You can all shut up, i think there was a big change in the perception of humour sometime maybe at the end of the 70's. If the young people of today watched a video of Les Dawson or Morecame and Wise, for instance, they will not find it funny. I am actually at a loss to describe what is funny to the youth of today. My father-in-law was irish and grew up in the sixties and he once told me that he saw the poor girl delivering the mail at Christmas. Obviously her job was more difficult than usual because of all the Christmas cards so my father-in-law said, "i don't envy you that job", to which she replied,"Yes, but its better than walking the streets".

I laughed when he told me that one but i have told it to my Grandkids and they groaned, or the ones that were bright enough to get it anyway.

I really don't know what it is but if you are a young person google Monty Python and have a look at some really funny stuff........though you will probably not get it.

[deejay100six]

Just cos you don't think its funny......doesn't mean it isn't.

[Jack.Sparrow]

http://video.google.com.au/videosear...1&sa=N&tab=wv#

For all the Young-un's who don't feel like searching

[Jack.Sparrow]

Originally Posted by deejay100six

Just cos you don't think its funny......doesn't mean it isn't.

I think I've just realised what you meant by the posts DJ. I wasn't saying that old jokes are lame, I didn't even know the joke I posted was old. The 'lames jokes' comment was a little joke itself regarding the Michelle joke and the *groans* it got.

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A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his *you know what* in a vice. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to..to..Cut it off, are you???!?" The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire!"

[JohnthePilot]

I think you are right JS. I know you appreciate 60's humour as much as anyone, but the snail joke is like the one about the White Horse that walked into a pub. The landlord said "I've got a whisky named after you."
"What, Percy?" asked the horse. Groans all round, but people still smile.