Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 - Page 14

**sandman55** · 04-17-2008, 06:43 AM

Some interesting facts

JohnthePilot · 04-17-2008, 08:31 AM

Some great jokes there guys.

**WereBo** · 04-17-2008, 11:49 AM

Hehehehehehehe..... Great stuff!!!

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing ..I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

**ashumann12** · 04-17-2008, 01:43 PM

>
> There were two nuns..
> One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
> And the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
>
> It is getting dark and they are still far away from the
> convent.
>
> SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
> the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he
> wants.
>
> SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
>
> SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at
> the most! What
> can e do?
>
> SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk
> faster.
>
> SM: It's not working.
>
> SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
> logical thing. He
> started to walk faster, too.
>
> SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in
> one minute.
>
> SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that
> way and I'll go
> this way. He cannot follow us both.
>
> So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
>
> Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried
> about what has
> happened to Sister Logical.
>
> Then Sister Logical arrives.
>
> SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
> Tell me what happened!
>
> SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't
> follow us both, so
> he followed me
>
> SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
>
> SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as
> fast as I could
> and he started to run as fast as he could.
>
> SM: And?
>
> SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
>
> SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
>
> SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
>
> SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
>
> SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his
> pants.
>
> SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
>
> SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can
> run faster than
> a man with his pants down.
>
> And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
>
> Say two Hail Marys!

JohnthePilot · 04-17-2008, 02:32 PM

LOL. I first heard that as:

Quote:

Confucious, he say, "No such thing as rape. Woman with skirt up can run faster than man with trousers down"

Jack.Sparrow · 04-17-2008, 02:36 PM

ROFL!!!!

**WereBo** · 04-17-2008, 02:59 PM

Excellent!!!

God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't need you any more. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning'."

"Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God.

'Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of You and breathe life into it, thus creating man."

"Well, that's interesting. Show Me."

So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil.

"Oh no, no, no.." interrupts God,

(I love this)

"Get your own dirt."

JohnthePilot · 04-17-2008, 03:10 PM

LOL. Very clever.

Jack.Sparrow · 04-17-2008, 03:16 PM

**Glaswegian** · 04-18-2008, 01:59 PM

A recent study found the average Scot walks about 900 miles per year.

Another study found that we drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means we're averaging about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be Scottish.

Jack.Sparrow · 04-18-2008, 03:30 PM

**WereBo** · 04-18-2008, 06:20 PM

Just don't ask about their catalytic converters

XtabbedoutX · 04-18-2008, 07:14 PM

**WereBo** · 04-19-2008, 03:19 AM

Now THAT is some feat of parking!!!!

**sandman55** · 04-19-2008, 04:48 AM

..
...

04-17-2008, 06:43 AM	#261 (permalink)
sandman55 TSF Enthusiast Join Date: May 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 3,388 OS: WinXP Pro SP2	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 Some interesting facts __________________ If at first you don't succeed try try again ....... then give up so you don't make a fool of yourself. Charlotte at the beach

04-17-2008, 08:31 AM	#262 (permalink)
JohnthePilot Asst Manager, TSF Articles Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Cheltenham, near Wales. Posts: 25,061 OS: XP Home SP3, PCLinux, Vista Home Premium SP1 My System Blog Entries: 1	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 Some great jokes there guys. __________________ Submit New Articles Here If you feel that TSF has helped you please make a donationand help to keep the forum free Cenedl heb iaith, cenedl heb galon Folding@Home - Team 85015

04-17-2008, 11:49 AM	#263 (permalink)
WereBo Resident Village Idiot Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: SE London, UK Posts: 2,734 OS: WinXP Pro SP3 My System	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 Hehehehehehehe..... Great stuff!!! The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you. 'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing ..I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.' __________________ Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with Ketchup...

04-17-2008, 01:43 PM	#264 (permalink)
ashumann12 Life is a zero sum game Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Alabama-usa Posts: 3,552 OS: Vista Ultimate SP1 (64bit) My System Blog Entries: 1	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 > > There were two nuns.. > One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), > And the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). > > It is getting dark and they are still far away from the > convent. > > SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for > the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he > wants. > > SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. > > SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at > the most! What > can e do? > > SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk > faster. > > SM: It's not working. > > SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only > logical thing. He > started to walk faster, too. > > SM : So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in > one minute. > > SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that > way and I'll go > this way. He cannot follow us both. > > So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. > > Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried > about what has > happened to Sister Logical. > > Then Sister Logical arrives. > > SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! > Tell me what happened! > > SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't > follow us both, so > he followed me > > SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? > > SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as > fast as I could > and he started to run as fast as he could. > > SM: And? > > SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me. > > SM : Oh, dear! What did you do? > > SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. > > SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do? > > SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his > pants. > > SM: Oh, no! What happened then? > > SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can > run faster than > a man with his pants down. > > And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, > > Say two Hail Marys! __________________ Adam Sr. Last edited by ashumann12 : 04-17-2008 at 01:46 PM.

04-17-2008, 02:36 PM	#266 (permalink)
Jack.Sparrow Resident Pirate Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Qld, Aus Posts: 14,700 OS: XP SP2/Vista SP1 Blog Entries: 6	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 ROFL!!!! __________________ Ollie: As a species, we're fundamentally insane. Put two of us in a room, we pick sides, and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion? .

04-17-2008, 02:59 PM	#267 (permalink)
WereBo Resident Village Idiot Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: SE London, UK Posts: 2,734 OS: WinXP Pro SP3 My System	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 Excellent!!! God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, "Lord, we don't need you any more. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning'." "Oh, is that so? Tell me..." replies God. 'Well," says the scientist, "we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of You and breathe life into it, thus creating man." "Well, that's interesting. Show Me." So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil. "Oh no, no, no.." interrupts God, (I love this) "Get your own dirt." __________________ Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with Ketchup...

04-17-2008, 03:10 PM	#268 (permalink)
JohnthePilot Asst Manager, TSF Articles Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Cheltenham, near Wales. Posts: 25,061 OS: XP Home SP3, PCLinux, Vista Home Premium SP1 My System Blog Entries: 1	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 LOL. Very clever. __________________ Submit New Articles Here If you feel that TSF has helped you please make a donationand help to keep the forum free Cenedl heb iaith, cenedl heb galon Folding@Home - Team 85015

04-17-2008, 03:16 PM	#269 (permalink)
Jack.Sparrow Resident Pirate Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Qld, Aus Posts: 14,700 OS: XP SP2/Vista SP1 Blog Entries: 6	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 __________________ Ollie: As a species, we're fundamentally insane. Put two of us in a room, we pick sides, and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion? .

04-18-2008, 01:59 PM	#270 (permalink)
Glaswegian Moderator/ Rangemaster TSF Academy; Analyst, Security Team; Oor Wullie; TSF Surgeon and Resident Comic Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Glasgow Posts: 20,294 OS: Win XP Pro SP3 My System Blog Entries: 9	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 A recent study found the average Scot walks about 900 miles per year. Another study found that we drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means we're averaging about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud to be Scottish. __________________ Iain - Defender of the Haggis and all things Scottish. I don't help by PM - post in the Forums. Ad-Aware::SpywareBlaster::SpyBot::SpywareGuard::SnoopFree::AVG Free::HOSTS File::HijackThis::Donate::5 Steps For Infected PCs

04-18-2008, 03:30 PM	#271 (permalink)
Jack.Sparrow Resident Pirate Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Qld, Aus Posts: 14,700 OS: XP SP2/Vista SP1 Blog Entries: 6	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 ! __________________ Ollie: As a species, we're fundamentally insane. Put two of us in a room, we pick sides, and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion? .

04-18-2008, 06:20 PM	#272 (permalink)
WereBo Resident Village Idiot Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: SE London, UK Posts: 2,734 OS: WinXP Pro SP3 My System	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 Just don't ask about their catalytic converters __________________ Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with Ketchup...

04-18-2008, 07:14 PM	#273 (permalink)
XtabbedoutX Tech, Microsoft Support Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Oklahoma City Posts: 858 OS: Server 2K3 R2, Server 2K, XP PRO, Mac OS X 10.4, Mac OS X 10.5, Ubuntu Linux 7.10, iPhone My System	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 __________________ HJT - 5 steps against malware. Post your HijackThis log there and not here ! Posting system specs Last edited by XtabbedoutX : 04-18-2008 at 07:20 PM.

04-19-2008, 03:19 AM	#274 (permalink)
WereBo Resident Village Idiot Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: SE London, UK Posts: 2,734 OS: WinXP Pro SP3 My System	Re: Joke Thread v. Last laugh 07 Now THAT is some feat of parking!!!! __________________ Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with Ketchup...