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Re: server & redirecting port 80 on router
Please excuse my directness and no offence, but there are so many things wrong with what you are planning to do!
You lose a lot of features with XP home (So it's a no go) and you can do this with XP Pro, but you should really stop to ask yourself if it is a good idea (Hint: Unless you're installing a practice development machine at home, it's really not!).
If you're installing a production server for an office or business you really should use a server OS. That said I'll try to address your points above.
1. The cable from your server should be attached to a switch (Which should then be connected to your router. Alternatively if you have a DSL router, most have at least 4 switchports).
2. The cable should be a cat 5 straight through cable (Crossover cables are only used to connect like devices to like devices; e.g. connecting a switch to a switch).
3. If you don't have a dedicated router most DSL routers have a facility in their web based user interface for configuring port forwarding and NAT.
4. You can install the SMTP service with IIS, however you'll need to write, purchase or download a mail application.
5. There's nothing wrong with RDP, you just need to make sure port 3389 is allowed and that IP traffic is redirected correctly if it's not going to a publicly routable IP address. Do not under any circumstances use free VNC! It sends passwords across the internet in plain text. Use an encrypted remote access solution such as LogMein Free or PC Anywhere if RDP is a definite no-go.
Now some questions:
1. Is it a production server for a business or a personal dev machine?
2. Do you have a dedicated router and switch?
3. Do you have a static IP address and/or subnet from your ISP?
4. If cost is an issue, have you considered an open source server OS?
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