I would say ditto to everything on your list plus a couple extras:
1. Being able to, for instance, log in to my steam account. Safely. Without anyone stealing my info.
2. Have some sort of rule that you can't just lurk over peoples shoulder while they play. That's just annoying.
3. Mandatory headsets.
4. Bathrooms with multiple urinals. (so i don't have to wait)
That's all I can think of right now. I've never been to one, so I have no clue what they are actually like.
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These walls fall down around me but I will stand
And though my body be burned away I will live