k2skier

You are correct, the Bible is a man created dogma, a bottom up religion, and God is what ever you imagine him to be.


http://www.religioustolerance.org/index_about.htm

From the above link
All, or almost all, theistic religions are "bottom-up" faiths. That is, their beliefs, practices and holy books are the creation of humans trying to comprehend the deity or deities that they have created.



Great analogy, and freaking hilarious!

Hank, aka-The God Theory



This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well-groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:


“Hi ! I’m John, and this is Mary.”

Mary: “Hi! We’re here to invite you to come kiss Hank’s azz with us.”

Me: “Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who is Hank, and why would I like to kiss his azz?”

John: “If you kiss Hank’s azz, he’ll give you a million dollars. If you don’t kiss his azz, he’ll kick the sh_t out of you.”

Me: “Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?”

John: “Let me explain. Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever he wants, and what he wants is to give you a million dollars - but he can’t until you kiss his azz.”

Me: “That makes no sense at all. Why the...”

Mary: “Who are you to question Hank’s gift? Don’t you want a million dollars? Isn’t it worth a little kiss on the azz?”

Me: “Well it might be - if it’s legit, but...”

John: “Then come and kiss Hank’s azz with us.”

Me: “Do you kiss Hank’s azz often?”

Mary: “Oh yes, all the time...”

Me: “And have you gotten a million dollars?”

John: “Well, no. You don’t actually get the money until you leave town.”

Me: “So why don’t you just leave town now?”

Mary: “You can’t leave town until Hank tells you to, or you don’t get the money - and Hank kicks the sh_t out of you.

Me: “Do you know anyone who’s kissed Hank’s azz, left town, and received the million dollars?”

John: “Oh, sure. My mother kissed Hank’s azz for years - she left town last year, and I’m sure she got the money.”

Me: “Haven’t you spoken with her since then?”

John: “Of course not. Hank doesn’t allow that.”

Me: “So what makes you think he’ll actually give you the money if you’ve never talked to anyone who got the money?”

Mary: “Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you get a raise or win a small lotto. Maybe you’ll just find a twenty dollar bill on the street.”

Me: “What’s any of that got to do with Hank?”

John: “Well, Hank has certain... connections.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this all sounds like some sort of bizarre con game.”

John: “But it’s a million dollars! Can you really afford to take the chance? And remember, if you don’t kiss Hank’s *** he’ll kick the **** out of you.

Me: “Maybe if I could meet with Hank, talk to him, get the details straight from him...”

Mary: “No. No one sees Hank. No one talks with Hank.”

Me: “Well then how do you kiss his ***?”

John: “Oh, sometimes we just blow him a kiss, and think of his azz. Other times we kiss Karl’s azz, and he passes it along to Hank.”

Me: “Who’s Karl?”

Mary: “A friend of ours. He’s the one who taught us all about kissing Hank’s azz - all we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times.”

Me: “And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that he would pass along your azz kiss to him, and that Hank would reward you with a million dollars?”

John: “Oh no! There’s proof! Karl has a letter that Hank sent him years ago which explains the whole thing. Here’s a copy; see for yourself.”

John handed me a photocopy of a handwritten memo. The letterhead was: “from the desk of Karl.”

1. Kiss Hank’s azz and he’ll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2. Use alcohol in moderation.
3. Kick the sh_t out of people who are not like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don’t drink.
10. Eat your hotdogs on buns. No condiments.
11. Kiss Hank’s azz or he’ll kick the sh_t out of you.

Me: “This appears to be written on Karl’s letterhead.”

Mary: “Hank didn’t have any paper.”

Me: “I certainly hope he washed his hands. I have a hunch that if we checked, we’d find that this is actually Karl’s handwriting.”

John: “Well of course it is. Hank dictated it to him.

Me: “I thought you said that no one gets to see or talk to Hank.”

Mary: “Oh well, not now. But years ago he would talk to some people.”

Me: “Hmmm. I thought you said he was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist goes around kicking the **** out of people just because they’re different?”

Mary: “It’s Hank’s way. It’s what he wants - and Hank is always right.”

Me: “How do you figure that?”

Mary: “Item # 7 says, ‘Everything Hank says is right.’ That’s good enough for me.”

Me: “What makes you so sure your friend Karl didn’t just make this whole thing up.”

John: “No way! Item # 5 says ‘Hank dictated this list himself.’ Besides, item #2 says, ‘Use alcohol in moderation’, item # 4 says, ‘Eat right’, and item # 8 says, ‘Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.’ Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true too.”

Me: “But item # 9 says, ‘Don’t drink,’ which conflicts with item # 2, and item # 6 says, ‘The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong.”

John: “There’s no conflict between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you’ve never been to the moon, so you really can’t say for sure that it isn’t made of green cheese.”

Me: “Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock...”

Mary: “But they don’t know if the rock came from the Earth or from outer space, so it could just as easily be green cheese.”

Me: “I’m not really an expert, but I think the theory that the moon came from space has been discounted. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn’t make it cheese.”

John: “Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes! But we know that Hank is always right.”

Me: “We do?”

Mary: “Of course we do. Item # 5 says so.”

Me: “So you’re saying that Hank is always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That’s called circular logic. It’s no different than saying that Hank is right because he says he right.”

John: “Now you’re getting it! It’s so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank’s way of thinking.”

Me: “But I didn’t... oh, never mind. What’s the deal with the hotdogs?”

(Mary blushes, letting her companion answer)

John: “Hotdogs in buns only, no condiments. It’s Hank’s way. Anything else is wrong.

Me: “But what if I don’t have a bun?”

John: “No bun, no hotdog. A hotdog without a bun is wrong.”

Me: “No mustard? No relish?”

(Mary looks positively stricken, her face ashen white)

John: “There’s no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!”

Me: “So then, I suppose that a big pile of sauerkraut with some hotdogs cut up in it would be out of the question?”

John: “That’s disgusting! Only some evil-minded deviate would eat that...”

Me: “It’s good! I eat it all the time.

(Mary faints. John catches her, dragging her off to their waiting car.)

John: “Well! If I’d known you were one of THOSE, I wouldn’t have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the sh_t out of you, I’ll be there - laughing and counting my money. In the meantime, Mary and I will kiss Hank’s azz for you - you bunless, cut-wienered kraut-eating b_st_rd!”