NoReason

> Memo
>
> To: All Employees
>
> From: Human Resources
>
> Date: 7/19/2004
>
> Re: Important Message from Human Resources
>
> Dear Staff,
>
> Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented
to raise the efficiency of our company.
>
> ATTIRE:
>
> It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Adidas sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If
you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that
you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you don't need a raise. If you
dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you
do not need a raise.
>
> PERSONAL DAYS:
>
> Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.
>
> LUNCH BREAK:
>
> Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so
that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch
to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Overweight
people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that is all the time needed to
drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
>
> SICK DAYS:
>
> We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>
> RESTROOM USE:
>
> Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a
strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door
will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your
picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic
Offenders" category.
>
> SURGERY:
>
> As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You
should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have
something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
>
> Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and
input should be directed to the Unemployment Offices.
>
> Have a nice day.
>
> Human Resources.




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not really a joke but here it is anyway...
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This is neat! The mind is an amazing thing!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht

I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. THE

PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,

the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and

you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the

huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig, huh??